A flickering star

bdaes n posting together?

2009-03-02T19:44:00.003+08:00

haha recently got so many ppls' bdaes
happy birthday to benny and shell
haha really had a fun time hangin out
even though i was partially...hm fully brain dead by sun..
update more next time..

hm our posting for a div are out
our grp includes rj, dhs, pj
jia you girls
we can do it
haha dont ever tell me tt u give up
doesnt matter who we r playin against
we shd play our best as though our opponent is all the same
just because they were good last yr..doesnt mean they are now right
so just train hard this one more mth left (:

time to dive

2009-02-22T15:16:00.002+08:00

nothing i do is workin for me now
think....think....think....
how can i improve?
how can this change?

this week, i wont be myself myself
this week, im goin to disappear for a while

im goin to diving and holding my breath
as long as i can

once i resurface, everything will be the way it shd and will be

timing choice

2009-02-19T21:23:00.004+08:00

ppl ard me just dont get it
if u tell me what to do
i wont do ur request

i know what has to be done
and i know im lagging
i know ur concerns
and i know what's best for me

but i have my timing
once i start
it'll never stop
and you have no say in anything

you can advise me
but whether to start or stop is my choice
UNDERSTAND?

reflection of january

2009-02-07T13:28:00.004+08:00

in all, the whole month was quite fun
sch was not bad expt hw
i still miss sonic!waiting patiently to see him again
till then i can see sonic-look alike
i want to improve my bball and studies desperately
can anyone help me out here?

26-3oth jan:
it was chinese new yr week
i fell sick...so boring at home
so started watchin my lucky star
the guy looks like sonic
so similar excpt nose. abit diff
but really reminds me of him
also watched romanic princess over the weeked
and realise lin looks like ne shawn also
found out on fri my sis comin over
haha interesin..

19th-23nd jan:
2nd week was better, more of a breeze
still not used to goin sch yet though
but trying to keep up
got to start studying so tt i can
help me out here

12-16th jan:
1st week of sch
wah had so much work
and super lethargic throughout
but timetable is quite gd for thur n fri
haha but it was fun seeing ppl ard sch again

9th jan(fri):
tdy is open hse.quite dead
but was stuck in the lab mostly
tried to escape but..
got my blue bball shoes from eve
wah so nice
thr was weird guys tt kept laughin in lab -_-
after tt was trainin and coach toke us.so tired
but it was worth it as quite a few were thr

8th jan(thurs):
had bio workshop trainin
it toke super long and boring
mostly sitting ard though
went off at ard 4.30
and i was walkin near 755 when the wind was so strong
that i couldnt walk against it
then i looked ard and saw nigel runnin
confirmed when he said hi
i was too bored to go home so bought coke n sit down
afterwhich i saw weifeng runnin and told him to call nigel
then nigel came over and we talked
waited for some ppl and abi to play at 755
in the end, we went over and sat down
the person with the bball went home
so me n nigel challenged suicides
then my coke rolled away from me!it was like catchin
then 2 guys came down
d.o.g.(joel) and mr sunshine(aaron) so we played 3v3
hm at first found him familiar but didnt say anything
we played next team with some yishun town ppl
not happy then come to reject my bball..fine!
so i just do a layup past him...muahaha he's stunned!
then after tt the 2 guys played match with the yt ppl
he kept lookin over when he shoot.so lame..focus dude!
abi noticed too
later on, just asked..ij..other guy from sp
played 2 v2 with the 2 guys again

super funny esp mr sunshine as he kept talkin
joel was nice even though he seemed more cold at first
sorta teachin me as we played along
(: managed to do well in fast attempts and lays
boosted confidence! hmm well hope to play with them again
think more chances of seeing joel though
and also thr was this not bad 10yr old boy..wah he's so cute

6th jan(tues):
finally a girls night out
jw, jes, sah, xueer, jean n me
went out to marina whr we walk walk
and went to mac to chat n eat
haha after that we wanted to bowl but decided pool instead

round 1: sah n jw(won) vs jes n xe

round 2: sah n jw vs jean n me(won)

round 3: jean n me vs jes n xe(won)

haha so all's fair

bought my shoebag! tt matches my jacket..cool

after that went to lau pa sat to eat alot of satay
haha super full.. want to go thr again and eat more
worst of all is tt we have trainin the next day.. -_-

updates about the past week

2009-01-11T00:48:00.002+08:00

things to update abt tmr

girls night out
thurs workshop prep n bball
fri open hse n trainin n celebration
sonic!

sonic!!!

2009-01-08T01:56:00.003+08:00

SONIC!!!

didnt see u for a while now
i kinda miss, i bet u miss me too
im goin crazy thinkin
weird that i feel so strong
hope to see you again soon
or i will chase u again
i will talk to u but
pls give me a chance

find me!! it'll be so much more easier for me

sk cc & s2

2009-01-07T12:12:00.005+08:00

4 jan 2008, sunday

went sengkang cc play bball
during which some girls appear
can see that the guys just back off and let us play
haha very gd match
i really stepup my game
hmm cool

then me jiawei jes went to bishan
supposedly to study
but we went to mac
before that, went jw n jes went pitstop at sony
they really went to ask sonic's no.
and got it!mad ppl
hm shocker seriously
then in mac, we talk talk
then ard 10, i walked jes n jw to mrt
hm then when walkin back i saw sonic
i smiled but blur so sorta looked away abit
sonic smiled n can see that s2 wanted to talk to me
even abit ok..
hmmmmm sooooooo regret now
i shd have talked to sonic!!
haiz
pray pray that get another opportunity
pls help me!!!
find me!! so much easier

i realised that maybe s2 may not be working
but i have the no. just in case

pls pls find me or find you

countdown lag

2009-01-04T02:27:00.003+08:00

31st dec before countdown
i went to play bball after restin from night cyclin.
go to 755, expecting shell jes and sah to play
but they say come find them near some carpark
in the end, its a bbq
haha abi joined ltr
it was fun
apparently i became sausage crazy
jes the mum
shell the crazy experimeter
sah the firefighter
abi the future daughter in law

haha in the end
we were so busy tt 10 mins before countdown reminder failed
we missed the countdown haha
one of auntie came to us and say its 2009
hahaha so funny
then we had our own countdown
1 min lagtime hahaha
so remb to call us out with lagtime in mind

1st day of 2009

2009-01-02T01:15:00.004+08:00

1st day of the year

i had to walk from amk mrt back home
apparently no more mrt to bishan -_-'
45min walk, creepy, nice to relax

afternn went botak jones with jw n abi
full full went j8
hehe went sony to try reserve psp
hm the guy said call again on 12th
hmm i bet if it was S2 he would have said yes!
haha then S2 passby me
and thr was an electric shock between 2 of us
hm he turned and i also ouch
S2 said 'ohh its you.i electric shocked you.'
so handsome..sry going mad!
very interesting event..weird though
haha regret not getting red...
told S2 so also
seriously super nice...haiz
guys, help me ask
i seriously fearful!
no.1 fear

after tt went bball,
with sotong, evelyn, jw, abi and ken
hm blurred
hm nth so interestin except for some superb assist n shoots

haiz
im still thinkin of S2
damn nice...
wondering off thinking

30th dec

2009-01-01T13:06:00.003+08:00

30th dec 2008, tues
it is one of the better days
even though, i went medical appointment at 8am
and it wasnt pretty news
but after that went home and faint on my bed
which after i went shoppin with my dad
went to buy some clothes and bag
he bought me a XXX
i was thinkin between red and lavender
thr was a guy who helped me
was super friendly and nice...
he was pushing the red
i didnt get it! i sooo regret now...
i realised red is like my ultimate fav color
i didnt like it when i saw it but i started to like it
more n more like the .
hmmmmm.....
now i must wait...wait n work hard

at night we went night cyclin
it was screwed up
but we sorta had fun
only me abi sotong evelyn shaowei rode back
wasted. it was more fun n beautiful comin back
(edit ltr)

need a day alone

2008-12-29T01:39:00.001+08:00

i feel like shutting myself out for a while
disappear for a day
im utterly confused
my thoughts aint clear at all

prior warning

2008-12-27T23:01:00.001+08:00

prior warning

10 is mine! my basketball no.
noone can take it away
challenge 1v1
100 balls
if can win me then we shall talk about it
other than that, 10 is mine!

a series of unfortunate events

2008-12-25T23:38:00.002+08:00

after basketball camp, i seem to have an ora of trouble following me

23rd dec, tues:
we went to sk play bball at 2
there we saw some guys that recognise use as 2 place for 3 on 3
(: so cool we got remembered
i also recognise 2 of the guys.hmm...... (:
but i think we didnt play well
must go thr again and trash next time

at night, we went to yishun cpcc
sah, abi, jean n me wore jersey!
so cool... we played 4v4 with some older guys
we won n lose but they damn funny
we had some 'coach' on the sidelines
hm he said it was s'pore vs thailand -_-??
haha after that kind of bored so we went to 755
at thr after buy botak jones spicy fries (: ,
auntie welcome us to play 4v4
hm auntie was on form
i remb one of the guy xiao yu
(haha i burn before)
tdy is a day of recognition after my lay
hm omg!! jean passing to me
then tt guy intercept
he is very buff n tall
so i end up on the floor
my elbow n knee n bones bracin impact
he is like fallen over me, like a brigde
(scary, but protect myself)
abi was stunned, jean n sah couldnt stop laughing!meanies
i was more like thinkin damage control
hmmm......haiz from thr it was funny after
thank God the pain didnt last long (:
overall, extremely awkward, troubling day!
but funny, i must admit

24 dec,wed:
the day of toning
we went pool with bballers
fun fun! so funny also
i won 3 times in a row by the black ball goin in
couldnt stop laughin
then we drive-through mac amk
thr we played games
there is no need to elabourate from here.
the people know that it was a funny, weird day
quite troubling

cant wait to see if any other interestin things happen to me again

im free ;D

2008-12-22T00:08:00.001+08:00

vomit blood
never knew
wont want to
im free ;D

flickering again

2008-12-20T20:53:00.003+08:00

im just like a flickering star
shining for a moment
then disappearing into darkness

im always there it's just
sometimes im evident
sometimes im transperant

it made me happy
to see that you see
see that im in darkness

weird thing is sometimes
u dont see that im thr to help
quite confusin state for a flickering star
all the more for a disappearance

...and this is what happened that day
i wad there and then... not anymore

transperant mode

2008-12-20T13:41:00.005+08:00

if my transperant mode is on in front of you,
means im sure there is nothing

but somehow when i dont want to be seen
you see me standing thr alone

leave me alone

2008-12-20T02:51:00.002+08:00

just leave me alone for a while now
i want to just be alone for a while
i need time to think for myself
to figure out what's goin on with me

whatever, cant be bothered abt you

2008-12-20T02:44:00.002+08:00

camp was great and will elabourate more about that next time

but i just want to make things clear to one of my teammate
i cant stand you
you r really fake
you have to take responsibility for ur mistakes
im sick of covering for you
i dont give a rat's ass for wadever happens to you
from now on
ur princess attitude, take it somewhr else
i dont fall for it

hard to moved

2008-12-06T16:13:00.002+08:00

hard to moved
by people's comments of me
good or bad

have u tried to steal a secret from me
it's goin to be hard
secrets are something to be kept
or maybe shared with people one trusts

such person will be hard to find
from now on, i will share but only if im sure
im not advertising my life to the rest
but involving those i care about

start of improvement

2008-12-06T01:44:00.003+08:00

our first loss to njc
it was quite wasted
we could have won
we shd have stopped their penetration
we only had 6
but we made do
they had more cause they called their seniors
hm wasted
i believe we could have won

overall, i improved
i did 2 spinturn then lay ups
damn cool btw
then i also got fouled
total i think altogether only 9 points
disappointing but improve some skills

future aims
hm to remain CALM haha
improve dribbling by next fri. 12dec
hm and increased shootin/lay % to 75
communicate better with teammates

possible?
of course but i need your help
willing to?
promise i'll word hard

grow as a player

2008-12-05T00:34:00.003+08:00

some may feel that i keep telling them what to do on court
and the obvious answer is cause
you aint doin it right
the way that's best

the only reason im correcting u
is for your own good
and as ur teammate
i want to do what is best for u and the team

i dont want ur attitude towards me
to affect the team
and our hard work to victory

maybe u cant understand
cause you dont have the passion for the game
then i guess you wont last

if u dont see my constructive criticism,
then you aint going to improve any further than u are now

kept for me

2008-12-04T00:41:00.003+08:00

your enigmatic smile
bathes me with warmth
during the bleak, lonesome night

this is something that i keep for only myself

warning to you ahd

2008-12-04T00:38:00.001+08:00

honestly i cant be more bothered
if u cant follow simple instructions
then there is no purpose in ur presense
if u want to screw up, fine by me
just dont come cryin when u do

match with bmss

2008-12-02T01:30:00.001+08:00

we won bmss 54-46
shot quite a few. think 15 points in total
including a beautiful 3 point.
but dont feel like sayin anymore

Concluder

2008-11-27T01:12:00.002+08:00

concluder/ doer/ one who gets results

individuals who are CONCLUDERS exhibit a tendency to be strong individualists. They are visionary, progressive and work hard to attain goals. They are forceful and direct. Concluders are curious and have a wide range of interests. At times, they appear to be cold or blunt because their task-orientation tends to overtake their people-orientation.Concluders place high standards on themselves and those around them, expecting goals to be met. They might appear critical when these standards are not met. Because they can have a strong impact on people and motivate them to achieve their goals, concluders need to be especially sensitive to others around them. Concluders tend to be short-tempered especially when they feeel that someone is taking advantage of them, for that is one of their greatest fears. Thriving on activity concluders are constantly moving forward; they get very frustrated when there is no goal they can strive to achieve. They also live a very active and fast-paced lifestyle.

according to the personality system

to me, i reflects me and who i truely am
so watch out

D

2008-11-27T00:22:00.002+08:00

if anyone has even noticed?
noticed anything

i doubt so
i know myself best
i havent been my true self the past 6 months or so
if u think not, then u dont know me

well, i think that may be due to the
punches in my self-confidence
my ever present, immediate decisiveness has been swayed
the lowered challenges i pose to the norm
the loss of my high ego
sudden numbness of my risk-taking, initiator attitude

now im being direct that im goin to be that person i was
that person i enjoyed being
my true self
if ppl dont like it, do i look like i bother?

better, bolder, im BACK!

~

2008-11-16T01:49:00.000+08:00

barely survived

im not now i am

2008-10-29T00:39:00.003+08:00

im not this person i am now
isolating myself from the world
sharing my thoughts while keeping some to myself
allowing everything to run wild
making my heart race so fast that i can feel it beating out of my chest

what has changed that has caused me to change?

change is inevitable but why have i changed to become not now i was

im not scared anymore

2008-10-12T23:35:00.003+08:00

10th OCT 2008

im not scared anymore

im not scared of
victory or comin in
im not scared of
shinnin brighter or some failed attempts

im not scared of
indimidation or achievements
im not scared of
new styles or new ppl

im not scared of
success or backlash
im not scared of
rejection or falling down

im not scared anymore
cause i know that He has my back.

racist is a waste of time

2008-10-04T00:57:00.003+08:00

hello ppl

nvr blog for a while
but the only reason im doing so now
is cause im disgusted

to all the racist ppl out thr
even if u think u aint
just ONE comment makes u one
i dont believe all ur nonsense
u r stupid not to realise u aint funny
who in the world gave you the right
to criticise others
unless of coz u r perfect
if u r perfect and think u have the right to do so, pls tell me
well come to think of it
if u r so perfect, u wouldnt be doing such imperfect things
btw u dumbo, u may be a pig when another sees u
so i guess there is no purpose in opening ur mouth now, is thr

so racist nonsense ppl, u aint funny
u are a waste of time

i dont tolerate such nonsense in my life
if u r racist and in my life, u better change or ur out

now or hold on

2008-09-27T02:01:00.001+08:00

i have this poem in my head
but i dont want to write it now
hm maybe tmr or much ltr

hm just wanted to say that the song 'hold on'
is really helping me to hold on now
haha such an irony
haha will elabourate more next time too

worst bball day ever

2008-09-27T01:51:00.003+08:00

tdy was one of the worst bball days ever
shot some in
beginning and endin part not tt bad
but other than tt
it was nonsense
cant believe it /:
my mood is ruined
totally forgot tmr got sch /:
haiz hm so like feel annoyed tdy

why is everyone buggin me?!

bball showdown on tmr night

2008-09-25T21:14:00.003+08:00

BASKETBALL GANG IS BACK!!
showdown tmr
wadever time we want
hm actually after sch

anyone wana challenge?
haha jokin or maybe not

hm im just too excited yo
haha alot of ppl comin down
tryin to rope in more
cool if everyone in the court u know quite well
haha happened to me before in my best court (:
miss those times

still EXCITED for tmr!!

'U' doesnt determine ur life

2008-09-23T18:03:00.003+08:00

hey all friends of mine

especially those who have promos/ prelims or A's or even sec sch
this post is for you

dont ever give up
no matter what u face
just know its just a grade
its just a paper
do ur best and everything else God will handle
i know that you may think its the end of the world once u get that F
or in my case, a U
but honestly its not
pls! u r overreacting
has the sky ever turned black once u saw ur result
even if it has, i think it may be ur eyes tearing
haha ur parents wont kill you
they care for u tt it hurts them to see u fail
but failing in sch doesnt mean failing in life
its not worth it to stop living your life
just because some paper and ink said u fail
if u have failed before, move on and live a better life
you may think u r a failure
but i think u r a success for living thusfar
i admit life isnt easy
sometimes u just want to stop everything for good
but why not make full use of the little time we have
and just live!
live with no regrets
live like there is no tommorrow
promos is just one puny little stone in the path
are u goin to stop walking the path and turn ard when u see this stone
u never know
maybe this stone is the milestone of ur life

basically, dont give it
it aint worth it if u do
just hold on
and do ur best
its not the end of the world yet

interesting mac visit

2008-09-22T00:47:00.002+08:00

after so long
finally got to eat at my dear bishan mac
hm i miss hangin out and annoying amos
haha got a chance to do tt today though

hm amos so nice to me and talk
weirdly when i opened my spicy nuggets
there was 7
haha then tt guy said for me, one special
haha made me happier somehow

hm then ordered mcflurry
after like 4-6 mths
haha and amos give me free
so sweet right

talk with all the ppl there can laugh nonstop
later didnt really want to go home
so accompanied amos while he was eating
hm remembering the gd times haiz

going home after that just pushed me back to face reality

eating habit and ?

2008-09-22T00:40:00.002+08:00

hey

i realised smt tt's with me

when i like someone,
my eatin habits become like normal.
1-2 meal a day sort of thing

but when i dont like anyone in particular,
i tend to overeat
or duno when to stop eating
hm haywire eating habits

haha weird right?
hm just smt i noticed

drive in more

2008-09-21T12:49:00.002+08:00

ooohhh yah

i forgot smt

ohh my gosh

i can so come inside

whoa ohh!!

HAHA...managed to get past this grp of guys quite built
but missed lay
but damn cool!!!

haha i also shd fake also. helps me get past those tt try to jump n reject
hahaha so excited now...like overcame this barrier

haha know tt i shd try more often now

just got to be more confident n less afraid

injuried finger, right arm and right ankle

2008-09-21T12:28:00.004+08:00

yst

hm some guys bang my hand
and now i cant do much
can barely type
it hurts bad
eh i need to write for tmr paper
now how?!

hm weirdly this is the first time i injuried my ankle badly
hm but it was fine by the time i reached home
miraculous healing powers...
haha help me guys..i need you

meet new ppl
like scary and this china dude
played moderate though..not tt great
but duno why this beng from the other side found me as a threat
me? im so nice, whr got threat to ur manhood?
(haha, you better watch it...i'll burn ur socks off)

hm this will help keep me away i hope
haha off to study
intense

I MISS MY VILLAGE!
sorry guys, i love playin at yishun
but bishan's my home
im comin back home after promos
wait for me...guanyang
quick renovate finish :D

a star shines

2008-09-21T11:07:00.001+08:00

a star shine the brightest when everything else surrounding is the darkest

randomness factor

2008-09-20T02:43:00.005+08:00

random is smt that i do

random is smt some like and some dont

random is being spontaneous

random is leading a colorful life

random is doin life ur own way

random is choosing to be different

to me, random is me

that shd be my name

btw, how many ppl have this randomness factor? hm not many right? haha dare to try and prepare to get rejected. go for it

helpless and guilty

2008-09-20T02:43:00.004+08:00

i need to study

i want to do well

but once i hear the word

i go running back to court

it keeps calling me

mocking me

i hate this feeling of helplessness

it aint a good feeling

i got to change
i got to change

can somebody tell me where im going?

random, poos and thinking

2008-09-20T02:43:00.003+08:00

muahahaha

back to my crazy, random self again
who cares what ppl think
i know i dont
do you??

hm current aims
promos end soon
play bball everyday after poos
dont fix my eyes

look see and look see more better
anyone know wad is poos btw??
wana know...curious until u want to die to know
tag and ask lah

haiz
ppl must think more
but dont over read into ppl's statements
some things are just wad it means
nothing more

hm i feel so good
i need to be more confident
and i realise i like running
esp when im playin bball well

haha ok
guys think more
whr is the link here?
obvious right?

there is none?
or maybe thr is?

just to leave u thinkin

low performance but still a win secured

2008-09-18T15:06:00.006+08:00

haha
yst was friendly match against deyi sec sch
girls won 38-29 i think
guys lost by 6points

haha
im happy coz we won
and we won by ourselves
im happy coz it was full attendence
everyone was there

-sah
-jean
-queh
-ruz
-elmo
-sihui
-mornin
-jiangchun
-jiawei
-and me!!

2 more ppl then a whole team

haha
yst i toke 10 shots, practically all lays
only got in 4
40%
so disappointing but better effort
haiz even teacher saw tt i miss
hm analyse why and move on i guess
haha stop shoot or pass across
will do tt soon
hm i know i can do better
next aim:80% accuracy
must be more confident n relaxed
haha thks for all those who supported (:

haha promos is also next aim
comin soon
believe that i can do it
next to pull up my socks
they are droppin

just a friend

2008-09-18T15:06:00.002+08:00

hey you
i hope u r reading this

just because u think the world is against you
u dont have to take it out on me
im not ur DOORMAT
im not ur PUNCHING BAG

im just tryin to be a good friend to you
if u cant be one back, i'll teach you
you are so inflexible and UNFUN to be ard
that you no real friends, only acquaintances

but im here to help you
i dont hate you
i hate ur attitude to me
i hate the way u treat me

the way u were when i first met u
and the way u are now is
two complete opposites
change back to who u were is best

after u learnt more
im sure u thought u'll be the same
u were at first
but now you are a waste

im here for you
just as a friend
nothing more
nothing less

just i ask one thing
can be a nice guy
just dont take it out on me
i dont want to be angry anymore

i hope you see this
i just want to be a friend

promote! promote well!

2008-09-15T20:51:00.002+08:00

hey

gp was not bad
actually it was great
ohh my gosh! im so excited for the rest of the papers
haha hm need to plan time better
coz i needed 2 more mins to finish AQ
haha weird hm
i've decided that i will work hard
no more bball after wed
unless fri
no temptation anymore
fOcus fOcus fOcus
fOcus On the gOal

hm haha im gona promote
im gona do well
and you cant stop me
but you can help me ((:

gp promo tmr!

2008-09-14T20:18:00.002+08:00

hm

am i crazy or wad?!
believe it or not,
im so excited for gp promo tmr
crazy right?!

haha
also excited for basketball tutorial
whoa oh...!

not so excited for pcct or bio mass lesson though
hehe
but overall
excitement exudes from me

friendly on wed

2008-09-14T14:12:00.003+08:00

hey guys,

having a friendly on wed. first time whr we are playin without the seniors. we are officially on our own now! ohhh my gosh!! so nervous. anyone who wanna support, tell me ok ok. hope u guys can come down. its at yjc at 5pm. haha i wont force anyone to come, understand?
haha just hope that i can perform and u guys will be thr to see it
haha pray that i wont be tired at all
no sweat man
phew... haha but before that im having gp promos and tell ya
im gonna ace it
dont care wad ppl think

just wana thank those ppl who continue to encourage, support and belive in me throughout all i've been through and goin through.love you guys

focus

2008-09-13T12:55:00.002+08:00

haha hm
im just so like nonsense these days
im gonna only focus on my bball and my studies
from now until promos
i will not get upset over you
coz i will control myself
and i wont give u the chance to do so
seriously i aint jokin

loved and lost/ never loved?

2008-09-13T01:49:00.003+08:00

age old saying
its better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all

hm well im not sure
well love hurts deep
loss also hurts deeply
not loving doesnt hurt
so no hurt at all

hm think carefully which is better
hurt terribly or no hurt at all
hm well im not in a position to say
but i know even when u havent lost
loving still hurts
so what's the diff?

Runnin...

2008-09-13T01:36:00.004+08:00

some parts

BY JESSE MCCARTNEY

Start but don't finish
I'm confessin' I'm confessin'
So baby just hear me out
I'm confessin' I'm confessin'
So baby just hear me out
I wanna show my heart
But I don't know where to start
I keep runnin'
So scared of the heart break
So scared of making mistakes
All I really need is you
I'm comin' face to face with myself
So can somebody tell me where I'm going?

im lost
i got no clue what's happening
what happens with you
changes my mood and everything
affects my whole life
how can this be?
haiz...i just feel so left out of my own life now
out of body feeling for a week now

Relapse...

2008-09-13T01:30:00.003+08:00

BY JESSE MCCARTNEY

I know it's time I need to move on
Everyone is sayin' I need to control
The way I'm acting
The things that I'm doin' ain't good for me

'Cause I know this time I'm really trippin'
I know that it's deeper than what I'm feelin'
And I realize she's bad for my health
But it's too good just to walk away

She's got me in a daze she's got me in a trance
She's got me so thrown tonight no I need to recover

I keep falling back in love
And I know that this girl
She's not the one for me
And I know I'm only makin' it worse
When I let her go then I come on back every time I leave
Every time I leave every time I leave I keep comin' back
Every time I leave every time I leave every time I leave
I keep comin' back every time I leave

When I feel like she's out of that system of hers
Something pulls me in then I return to let her use me
I care not how she do me as long as she's around

In my mind I see that I'm slippin'
But I still can't seem to see the difference
My heart is sayin' yes to go
Body's sayin' no to it
I need to get a grip on this

seriously
im not sure wht tt or not
but this is sorta how it goes
im quite confused by what you do
one minute to the next, completely different
volatile, do i need this?
go figure...

runnin and relapse

2008-09-13T01:21:00.003+08:00

haha recently
i keep listening to this two songs
that i think say my current situation
is a sorta telling how i feel
even though abit diff situation
but same idea

breakdown to motivated

2008-09-11T00:03:00.002+08:00

hm
im so tired
many days of short slp is startin to add up
mental breakdown today
but after playin bball
everything's fine now
so gd now
haha motivated again

weird right?
motivated to study during bball

forget!

2008-09-09T23:36:00.001+08:00

haiz
haiz
haiz

very annoying
arghhh
i cant wait to play bball
and forget everything!

mingy study study

2008-09-09T22:52:00.002+08:00

hey mingy,

haha gd studyin tdy
even though got some random njc guy trying to overtake me
by walking... so lame
then some cjc guy staring at me
and my friend's friend staring at me
creepy...guys are weirdos

we shd study again
maybe try kfc
haha subway food is nice
pizza hut??
hehe study hard for promos ok

glad we are ok

2008-09-09T22:37:00.005+08:00

hey friend

gd to hear
i was really worried
haha hm gd to know we r in this tgt
haha sure bball fri on?
im so excited*the song*
hm i was so down the whole day becoz of this
and my fridge died
)):
but my teacher said smt gd
haha that my answer was the best in cohort
and im goin thailand!!!whoa
just wanted to share the gd news with you first
haha so we shall go celebrate
p.s:pls tell me that we can eat?

im sorry

2008-09-09T19:14:00.002+08:00

hey
i hope you are reading this

im sorry if i did anything
to make you sad or angry at me
that was never my intention
i really appreciate that you are protecting me

seriously i would give . up
if u were interested in .
i dont anyone to come in between our friendship
i treasure it more than that

seriously the only reason why i wouldnt want . to know anything
is coz im afraid
afraid of rejection
i know who isnt lah
but this is my worst fear... trust me
its one of my only fear
no joke

i hope everything can go back to the way it was
p.s: i really miss ur company and jokes (:

i lost to kuku

2008-09-08T15:27:00.004+08:00

i lost 1v1 yst
so blah..lousy
yst dont have any form
cant shoot, only rebound

no strength at all
still down again
i lost to kuku benny 11-8
now i have to run 5rounds

i cant even remember how it became 5rounds?
i feel so useless now
will challenge again though
and i WILL WIN
hehehe (:

confused but clear

2008-09-08T00:15:00.002+08:00

i dont know what to think anymore
i just know i need to focus on EVERYTHING
is that possible?
yah man, i can do it

p.s: im so into ricky rubio... wah :D

overtaking you in style, man!

2008-09-07T16:00:00.002+08:00

IM SO NOT GONNA FLUNK PROMOS

haha im serious
im gonna show everyone that ever doubted me
that im gonna play and study hard
im not gonna study so hard that i sacrifice slp and my social life

im gonna prove that the old prasana
the one that knew that i can do it is back
you can think all u want
but u gonna be wrong that im not goin to beat you

i am
so u better watch up
im blazing ahead in style

MOVING AHD IN LIFE
OVERTAKING YOU IN STYLE

my down issue

2008-09-07T14:40:00.003+08:00

everyone keeps askin me,
why am i so down?
why are my posts so emo?
and isit about you?

haha thks for ur concern
but i can handle it i think
hm i always have gotten through everything
by my own

i know all of u are thr for me
but i just wont say anything esp on msn
im not the kind of the person that
goes ard tellin everyone my problems

i need to tell at my own time
sometimes at random times
whr u wont even notice
but i will tell u face to face

so dont be worry
i will go back to my random self soon
just trust me and back me up here
i will share when im ready

read between the lines

2008-09-07T00:05:00.005+08:00

Lines may not convey a message
overlooked pictures may contain deeper shades of truth
versatile designs dont serve as anything more than a cover up
extra fine print dont hide their agendas

I dont think i can be another one
something that's just ordinary to you
not a puzzle that conveniently fits
to ur complex life

For this message hides a meaning
obvious it shall be for those who look closely
really obvious one that i have learnt now

My life has be wrecked by you
escthatic, how can i ever be

can you read between the lines?

dancing in the rain

2008-09-06T23:24:00.003+08:00

hm kinda down the whole day
cip kept my mind from wondering
but after gettin my pencilcase
and heading back to yishun,
it all started again

haha hm shell and abigail ran away
left me alone thr with haiz
hm felt even more worst
felt like running away for good
i choose to come back

after that, i played in the rain
pants all wet and my shoes all soaked
that was the time that i forgot but remembered
all at the same time
didnt care what people thought

but only knew what i made me so down

dying flame

2008-09-06T03:30:00.006+08:00

my heart was beating fine
until you poisoned it
now its falling apart
how to salvage all that is lost

this is the beginning of the end
a bus hit me again today
i have died with it
all is lost and i cant be found within this dying flame

kuku benny

2008-09-06T01:55:00.005+08:00

dumb dumb benny say that on 4sep 2008
he "nvr lost a single match during in 10 games"
haha but he still lost to me!
muhahahaha

even though he managed to shake me off ONCE
i beat him in 1v1 haha
so funny and abc
and pressure

dare to play again?

4th Sep

2008-09-06T01:25:00.004+08:00

haha
the day i lost my bag
i made a pact with myself
to play well for the remaining 1 hr or so

i did ok i guess
but after light off
shell and sah went off
but me and abigail stayed lor until 11.30

we continued to play
benny and wei hao(his pri sch friend) joined us
interesting hm
played abc got 2nd
haha benny so lousy!

then played pressure
whoa haha i won
which is a miracle
haha i kept shootin in alot

even when i didnt want to
record for me
my main purpose was to defeat benny
and i did, he died first (:
see his face, so terrible

played a few matches
then missed my train to Marina Bay
abigail missed her bus
so she stayed over

we talked the night away
went for a long walk
and ate cup noodles
i miss those times /:

gd times
haha very interesing to share new stuff
and weird thoughts haha
u'll nvr know i guess :X

awesome bball match, guys

2008-09-05T23:50:00.004+08:00

woah! that's all i can say
today was one of the best days i've played
in a long long time
shoot shoot chop

haha cool lah
thank God
we played at 755 at sah's village
sah, shell and abigail also played very well

weird and funny things happened
burned alot of guys (;
esp the last match were the odds were against us
i think at the beginning they gave chance
later then serious alr

i shot ard 4 balls
wah last ball chop went in
im ecstatic
inside me, im jumping lor
i was so honoured when the guy i burned
came up to me and shoke my hand
and said you r gd

hehe so happy
but i know i cant become big head
coz accuracy and skill can come and poof
so must work hard but i must study hard too (:

one of the best fridays ever
coz last friday also is the other best friday (;
cool!Awesome bball match guys
IM SO HYPED NOW!!!

Abigail, guest blogger

2008-09-05T02:31:00.001+08:00

LOL i think this is really funny.xD and u are quite calm thought after losing your bag. I will totally freak out if i were you. I am also SO curious to know why the thief steal your bag. But i Suspect it is a male and you can tell that to the police lol! because i don't think many girls will be interested in your bag.-.- So positive you are =D

my bag and psp just poof

2008-09-05T02:20:00.004+08:00

today was the first day i lost something
hm my bag totally disappear
vanish...poof...
haha weird right

think someone just walk away with it
haha the first thought was that they jealous of my bag
haha then just wanted it lor
then i realised my psp was inside

haha i couldnt take it seriously
i kept jokin and laughin
i was the most calm
sah and shell felt bad
but its not ur fault u guys

hahaha im so different compared to last time
hm most probably in the past
i will get angry
haha but i prefer the new me

even though things are precious to me
but my friends are more impt
look on the bright side
i get new stuff now haha

random thoughts

2008-09-04T00:54:00.003+08:00

honestly, im stumped
i got no clue what to write about

some random thoughts here

feel like jumpin like mad person
feel like scuba diving
wanna do a cartwheel even though i cant
wanna play bball in the middle of the night
star gaze at the same time
dance in the rain
most imptly, make memories that will last
hm weird things but things i will remember

haha weird things but i will remember

im so hyper now but why?why?

unexpected thing

2008-09-04T00:30:00.002+08:00

haha the most unexpected thing happened yst
kinda enjoyed it but u'll nvr know i guess
unless u are a psychic or have a brain-reading machine
hm well it was quite interesting

rushed to sch for pw consultation
afterwhich rushed over to science centre
for that science presentation
rushed back again for training
but weirdly i did have entertainment until presentation

promos and rewards after

2008-09-03T01:01:00.002+08:00

my camera and samsung omnia coming soon now.
my rewards for promos are set but im so not ready
wah cant wait for promos to be over
then i will go home late everyday
play bball again and love my macs

relapse

2008-09-03T00:27:00.003+08:00

its such a waste,
if i wasted my day.

if i wasted my day,
only by thinking of you.

only by thinking of you,
i feel happy and sad at the same time.

i feel happy and sad at the same time,
it makes me fall more for you.

it makes me fall more for you,
its such a waste of time

breakdance at bball court

2008-09-03T00:24:00.001+08:00

wah
so embarrassing and cool at the same time
i fell down twice coz the floor so slippery
then did 2 stunts
seems like breakdance

kinda boring bball day
but also quite fun

but now my left bum is pain -_-

worst monday of my life

2008-09-01T22:26:00.002+08:00

i can honestly say that this is possibly the WORST MONDAY of my life
worst of all its the holidays
i feel like a bus hit me

why does this always happen to me?
i will never give it away
only to salvage the remains
its digs deep and im not will to put myself out thr for that again

so now im taking it back forever
but im sure i will fall back again
but i know that God is my only hope
he is the only one that truely loves me and live for that and noone else

best bball in the villages

2008-08-29T23:51:00.002+08:00

one of the best bball days since 3 months
quite an understatement

undoubtedly the most awesome bball day today
weirdly it toke place in 3 bball courts
one in my village and two in sahira's village
not village, territory

kinda good to challenge better players
haha and burn guys
haha so hot what
quite weird and interesting people
not to mention some not so bad ones.

weird expression though
but i enjoyed myself
especially when girls v guys
test us
think i improve and people notice too (:

what if

2008-08-29T23:48:00.000+08:00

what if?
what if u see the whole world
and not be satisfied?

reason

2008-08-04T17:16:00.002+08:00

it is hard to think of ONE good reason to stick to it
but its easy to think of a thousand reasons to quit

little wonders

2008-07-27T14:40:00.005+08:00

let it go, let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know the hardest part is over
let it in, let your clarity define you in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made in these small hours
these little wonders, these twists & turns of fate
time falls away, but these small hours
these small hours still remain

let it slide, let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind if it's me you need to turn to
we'll get by, it's the heart that really matters in the end

our lives are made in these small hours
these little wonders, these twists & turns of fate
time falls away, but these small hours
these small hours still remain

all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now

in these small hours these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away but these small hours

these small hours, still remain, still remain
these little wonders these twists & turns of fate
time falls away but these small hours
these little wonders still remain

fear

2008-07-24T23:03:00.002+08:00

everyone has fears

fear of death
fear of spiders and snakes
fear of loneliness
fear of ostracisation
and even fear of FEAR

FEAR is an emotional response
FEAR controls and paralyzes you
FEAR destroys your hopes

i do not fear anything
i admit im afraid sometimes
but i dont let FEAR control me
i do not fear anything

help me!!!

2008-07-23T22:44:00.002+08:00

im so stress now that
i dont know what to do
i just lazy ard
i havent started studying at ALL
haha seeing the numbers go by
is giving me the feeling of helplessness
but i know i can do it
i can do it well
but can i push it?

HELP ME!!!
HELP ME NOW!!!
I NEED HELP!!!

not again!

2008-07-15T19:59:00.004+08:00

no way!
this cant be happening.
not now
im so not falling for you
not again!
how do i stop?
i got no clue.
trying to shut you out
but it aint easy
u just keep reappearing
i just cant look away

i got to learn
i got to change
or else my true soul will die to you
but that shdnt ever be true

hm

2008-07-13T15:54:00.003+08:00

hm

tt's all i can say

how to be a star

2008-07-12T18:55:00.004+08:00

by maximising ur student life
ever wanted to be a star?

HAVE THE CORRECT ATTITUDES AND CONDUCTS
Practical steps

Learn not to complain
Learn not to argue amongst ourselves
Keep the faith in the message

Someone that wont just..

2008-07-12T12:48:00.004+08:00

Honesty
Is what you need
It sets you free
Like someone to save you
Let it go
But hurry now
There's undertow
And I don't want to lose you now

All right
Sit down and spill your heart
Lets start from the very start
Cause i can see by your eyes
You're wasted
Your energy comes and goes
You taking your time, you know
Nothing can change what happened, you know

i'll listen but what can i do?
im letting go of everything now
but why dont u want to let me
noone can tell me what to do
and you wont be the first who tried
i'll applaud ur effort though
but its done and now everything's gone

my life is for me

2008-07-08T20:50:00.000+08:00

noone will ever know me
so noone can ever hurt me
but isit still possible?

you can continue trying
i applaud u for that
but there is yet so much u will NEVER know

old has gone, new has come

2008-07-08T19:40:00.000+08:00

Bad days forever be gone
its time to pick up and move on
Sometimes its hard to buckle down
start up and get around

It will be worth the effort
sooner or later
but i need the support
and be more than just a dictator

When i see my shadow
its not whr i want to be
i want to be able to say wow
and smile in glee

Now it's time to step up to the plate
it's time to set things straight
THERE'S NO WAY TO ESCAPE

Day out at MrR

2008-07-07T23:14:00.000+08:00

today was a gd day to me. i got to hang out with my younger cousins, my sis, aunt and grandma. it was so fun. i got to see my 2nd love again. I MISS IT SO MUCH. hm well, get back to it soon. got reminded abt a few things that happened at adventure camp. Because of tt, managed to click well with the kayaking instructors.haha anyways so fun but quite waste of day. haha but i dont regret. i had a gd time. kinda miss my family. but i know why i did what i had to.

haha i so caught him in the act. wah so young and still steal my coke. haha im the first and he's the last. haha feel happy seeing him. he seems like the only one who is really able to understand. but i promised that i will never ever burden him with my troubles.

nice picture?toke it myself. photography is one of my interest but no money to fund it. soon anyways. got alot of weird things happen recently tt i may or may not blog about. so yup will continue soon

A Flickering Star

2008-07-07T03:21:00.001+08:00

A flickering star
a glimmer of hope
a ray of light
a path of destiny

Everyone has different perspectives
different choices to make
so why make it so hard
for them to get a break?

I've been there before
i've felt what's its like
life becomes a chore
and noone would know

So move in my life
give me a glimmering star
a flickering hope
a path of light
and a ray of destiny

Written on 5th July 2008, 5.34am